It seems motherhood has done a stellar job of turning me an emotional basket case. In fact, I think I’ve come down with what I like to call “Emotional Mommy Syndrome.” I feel sentimental all the time and I cry over everything. Break out the tissues, kids. Because mommy is feeling all sorts of lovey dovey sappy today.
So here’s the thing. Yesterday was my second Mother’s Day, and I spent a lot of time reflecting on the last year. I looked at “old” pictures of me and my daughter and it made me sad. Last Mother’s Day she wasn’t even quite three months yet. She wasn’t walking, eating solid foods and she sure as hell wasn’t telling me “NO!” At three months, the only thing she had mastered was how to breastfeed like a boss. Now I have a walking, talking, climbing little girl on my hands. What a difference a year makes.
Back then there were days I found myself dreaming of when she’d be older and done breastfeeding. I thought surely these were the days that would be easier, but I was wrong. New phases pose new and different challenges. Somehow I find myself now grasping onto the memory of my newborn, and day dreaming of the moment she was born, and the weeks that followed. She was so new and small, and she practically fit in the palm of my hand. Those days seemed long then. They were full of blow out diapers, breastfeeding around the clock and zero sleep. But in a fleeting moment they were gone. They’re nothing more than a memory now, and with each passing day, time seems to speed up and she’s only becoming more and more independent.
I felt emotional yesterday realizing that she’s no longer a baby, she’s a toddler. And while I can still pick her up and hold her, I feel sad that my days of having a newborn have quickly turned into chasing around a curious little girl that just wants to climb on the furniture and up the walls. Some people say this means it’s time to have another one, but I’m not there yet. I’m not ready. Part of me feels like I could never love another child the way I love her, and the other part of me isn’t ready to share my focus and attention.
But I guess it doesn’t matter how old she gets, because she’ll always be my baby, and nothing could ever change the fact that she’s my first. She has shown me that the love a mother has for her child is endless, and it knows no boundaries. It’s a love that runs so deep, words will never be able to accurately describe it. She’s the little girl who made me a mom, and I am forever grateful and blessed to have been given the greatest gift life has to offer. I feel like I’m on an emotional mommy roller coaster, and I have a feeling the ride will last me a lifetime. Everything about watching her grow up and learn is bitter-sweet. I don’t want to go back, but please let going forward slow down just a little bit…
Rate My Blog @ Top Mommy Blogs