I always knew that once I became a mother, my children would make the speed of time feel like life was on fast forward. I see how quickly family members and friends babies have grown up, and I’ve known all along I would need to cherish every moment of infancy, toddlerhood and youth. While some days challenge my sense of character and patience, others are some of the most enjoyable days of my life. Motherhood is by far the hardest, yet most amazing job I’ve ever had. But it already feels like it’s moving too fast.
It’s hard to believe that my baby girl is already two months old. I look back at pictures from the day and week she was born and cannot believe how much she’s already changed in such a short period of time. Her once black hair has lightened to a soft brown, her face is filling out and she’s rocking double chins, her thighs have plumped up, she’s longer, she’s starting to interact more and develop a personality… in a nutshell, she’s already growing up. At five weeks I retired all of her newborn clothes and it left me with a tear in my eye. Now I look at those little onesies and can’t believe she ever fit in them. There’s a part of me that misses that scrunched up tiny little baby that slept in my arms all day. But there’s another huge part of me that is loving the fact that I can start playing with her. I love when I talk to her she tries to talk back as she is discovering her voice. And I absolutely LOVE when she smiles and laughs when I talk and sing to her. Each and every day I’m learning more about her and getting to know her better. But each and every day I see how much bigger she’s getting and I can’t help but to feel a little sad. It almost feels like a sense of loss to see the once tiny little baby who grew in my belly become bigger each week.
Last night, when I was rocking my baby girl to sleep, I started to cry. I didn’t just have a few tears in my eyes; I had tears streaming down my face. I stared at her peaceful little face, held her tight and lightly rubbed her chubby little cheeks. I looked around her nursery at how girly and cute everything was. I tried to take mental pictures of how everything looked and how I felt. Because as I sat there in the rocking chair, I knew that in years to come when she is no longer a baby and turns into a little girl and young adult, I will look back at that very moment wishing I could hold her like that again. I desperately wish I could hold her in my arms forever, but I know sooner than later she will be running around too fast to catch and too busy to care. I know she’s only two months, but it feels like two months came too soon. As cliche as it sounds, I just want to stop the clock. I want the seconds, minutes and hours of every day to slow down. Even the hard days when she is fussy and crying and I want to chime in and scream along with her. I just want each day and each moment to slow down. She’s two months too soon and I feel like in a blink of an eye she’ll be two years too soon and her days of infancy will be a thing of the past…
~Sparke