As an “ex-teacher” and someone who has worked in daycare’s and enrichment programs teaching music classes, toddler classes and kids of all ages, I have seen a lot of things. Things that I hate to admit have always made me uncomfortable at the mere thought of putting my future children in daycare.
Just two weeks ago I parted ways from my full-time job of just over three years. Although it was bitter-sweet at first; I’m quickly realizing how much I can get done around our house and prepare for our baby without working full-time. I’m not going to lie, it’s been wonderful! My husband and I had talked a lot about what we’ll do in terms of our work schedules when our little butterball arrives. Prior to me leaving my job, we never planned on me working more than part-time. For a lot of reasons, neither of us want or intend on sticking our kids in daycare full-time. Now with me being home, we have both realized that our weekends aren’t being spent grocery shopping, doing laundry, cleaning the house and running errands. I’m getting all of that done during the week with plenty of time to spare which is leaving our weekends with much more time to relax and spend quality time together. My husband has been loving coming home to a clean house, dinner being made, clean clothes put away and things just being done. And I have to admit, I’m really enjoying being a “housewife” along with starting our preliminary long list of things we need to do to be ready for our baby.
After a long day of work, my husband came home the other night and told me he had a serious discussion with one of his coworkers about “women in the workforce.” I of course was all ears and asked him what he meant by this. Admittedly, I initially got a little offended at the way he opened up the conversation as I’ve always taken a lot of pride in my work and career. But as he opened up and told me what he meant, I realized it was certainly nothing to be upset about it. He started off by saying that 20 years ago, most mothers stayed home and took care of their kids and the house while the fathers worked. He said nowadays, both husband and wife work full-time while their kids are at daycare all day and things at home get pushed aside and often ignored, causing added stress, frustrations and extra work on the couple. He told me he didn’t like the thought of us having this sort of lifestyle and really felt we needed to consider me being a stay at home mommy. Both of us had mothers who stayed home with us while our fathers worked. It’s sort of the way things were “back in the day.” Both my mother and mother-in-law told me that if we can afford for me to stay home, they absolutely thinks it’s the best decision.
Over the past two weeks, before my husband and I’s conversation about me staying home, I’ve been asking myself and trying to decide where I ultimately want to take my career. Do I want to change careers all together? Do I want to stick with a sales and market research type role? It was definitely time for a change, but what do I really want going forward? The truth is, no matter how many jobs sound fun and exciting, I always come back to the same one; I want to be a mommy. It’s not that I don’t want to work because as I said, I’ve always really enjoyed having a successful career, but I want to watch my kids grow up and truly be there for them 24/7. I hate the thought of my baby, toddler and small child spending the majority of their week being taken care of by someone else. It literally breaks my heart. More importantly, I want to be the one who teaches my kids how to count, say the alphabet, how to read and how to tie their shoes. I want to be there when my kids fall down and scrape their knee or bump their head. What I don’t want is someone else doing my job as a parent Monday through Friday eight to nine hours a day doing all these things for me. Having a daycare provider raising my child while I’m at work all day and missing out on the many wonderful joys of motherhood is simply not something I find to be ideal. It’s a personal decision that I don’t want to be the couple dropping our kid off at 8am and picking them up at 5pm or 6pm only to give them dinner, a bath and then put them to bed. Where is the quality time spent with your child if that’s your typical day all week? While I completely understand and believe different things work for different people and couples, and that every situation is different, both of us working full-time and having our kids in daycare full-time is definitely not for us.
When I worked in daycare’s (10 years ago), some of the kids were there from open until close and seemed to be more adapted and comfortable with their teachers than they were to their own parents. I can’t imagine being the parent who comes to pick up my child who then cries because they’d rather be at school than at home. I’ve seen the look on those parents faces and it’s heart wrenching. Now, with all that said, I do believe there are positives of a child being in daycare, but for us, I think part-time makes a lot more sense. I think it’s essential for kids to be around other children and learn how to interact and socialize. I also believe they need to learn how to separate from their parents, as difficult as that may be for both mommy and baby. When I was a kid, at the whopping age of two, my mother put me into dance lessons to be around other kids. I did tap and ballet to start and I LOVED it. It was her way of being my primary caretaker, but also giving me the time I needed with other children. It’s mine and my husbands personal opinion and choice that putting our child in daycare full-time isn’t for us. Not only is it ridiculously expensive, but we don’t like the thought of paying someone else to take care of our child. With the prices of most daycare centers, the majority of one persons salary ends up going to pay for it. Which is another thing that we’re really taking into consideration. Why bother working if a huge portion of one salary is going to daycare? Although we still have plenty more to discuss, right now our plan is to do daycare part-time equaling a few days a week for a couple of hours. As for my career, my goal is to ultimately find something where I can freelance or do contract work from home part-time so I can focus the majority of my time and energy on our growing family.
Although this is our first child, I know just how quickly babies and children grow up. Their younger years fly by and they are constantly growing, learning and changing so much; I don’t want to miss a thing. I want to experience all the joys, trials and tribulations of parenthood. I want to be able to look back fondly on the years I had raising my children and taking care of our family. I don’t want to look back with regrets. Besides, from all the “rumors” from my family and friends, motherhood is the most difficult yet most rewarding job of all!