Just gaze at that adorable chubby baby face. She looks so perfect and innocent, right? She SO is (I know, I know, biased mommy), but listen up people, because I’m about to unveil some very important information here. I’ve been at this whole motherhood thing for a solid five months now, so obviously I’m a “know-it-all.” I’m totally kidding, I’m nothing more than a newbie learning as I go. But seriously, there is something that I discovered very quickly, and I feel compelled to share it with the world. And that is, manipulation is not only learned, but taught at the ripe age of infancy. I’m convinced it’s a fact and here’s why…
My daughter knows that if she screams, whether she actually needs me or not, that she will get my attention, I will pick her up and she will get what she wants – which is me! There are times this kid gets in such a ticked off tizzy that I fear she is going to make herself pass out from gut wrench screaming, all because she wants out of her swing or current activity – Just to sit with me. To play with me. To hug me. To basically just have me all to herself. That people right there is manipulation, and she is not only learning this behavior works, but she is being taught it works day in and day out, every single time I “give in.”
I’m repeatedly told I need to let her “cry it out” more, but there are three things…
#1 – I’m human, and there is only so much screaming my 30-something year old ears can physically handle. Which means there is only so much “crying it out” we do in this house. Sorry, but I just can’t. She cries, I fold. #mommyfail? #Idunnoyoutellme!
#2 – She is only five months old and I’m her mother… Isn’t it my job to give her all the love and attention in the world?! Isn’t it my job to pick her up, comfort her and dry her baby tears when she cries? Isn’t it my job to let her know I will always be there for her when she needs me? I sorta kinda think it is. So… I fail miserably every day at this whole cry it out thing. I try, I honestly do, but I fail.
#3 – My mother often reminds me that one day, she won’t want to be with me all the time anymore. She’ll be running out the door with her friends, and her needing and wanting me 24/7 will be a distant memory. So while many days are exhausting, I know my mom is right, and the day will come when she won’t need me the way she does now, and I’ll likely be the one left in tears. The only difference is, she probably won’t come running over to pick me up.
What I feel sure of, whether it’s “right” or “wrong”, is that every time I rush to every cry, scream, pout or beckon, I am reinforcing her behavior gets her exactly what she wants – and call it what you will folks, but that is manipulation. Making my adorable, innocent perfect baby girl my mini manipulator.
Manipulation, the act of dominating, controlling or cleverly influencing someone or something. We all learn it somewhere folks – now we all know we can just blame our parents! 😉