In the wee hours of the early morning, I’m awakened by the light of the sun. I can see it flicker and flare as it casts shadows of the trees on my walls in the hallway and peaks in my bedroom, as if to gently let me know a new day has begun. In the near distance, the sounds of birds chirping and turkeys gobbling drift in my windows, and the crisp air and smell of spring kisses my nose as I breath in the dawn. My husband is still sleeping soundly beside me and my daughter across the hall, all is peaceful in the house, and the easiness of Sunday morning and no routine other than having a run on my schedule warms my soul.
As I lay there taking in all the sounds and senses of the morning I’m reminded how blessed I am for all that I have. I continue welcoming the day with a renewed sense of amicable tranquility in my heart and mind, and I smile as I remember that I eliminated a negative source that no longer had a place in my life.
I pull the covers off my body, place my feet on the floor, stretch my arms to the sky and start preparing my mind and body to run, which will be broken up into a series of three runs because I have a 5k at 9am, and I need eight miles in total today. As I get dressed and lace up my sneakers my daughter greets me with a hug, “Are you going for a run, mommy?”
“Yup, but I won’t be gone too long, this is just a warm-up before my race.” Her innocent little face and bright curious eyes staring up at me make it harder to walk out the door, but they also remind me I’m showing her what hard work, inner strength and dedication looks like.
I start my watch and head out for an easy two mile warm-up. The roads are quiet and the world is still practically asleep; it’s my favorite time to run. Working my breath with my strides, I imagine inhaling positive thoughts and vibes and exhaling any negativity. I think back to the toxic source I eliminated, and how I received even more validation two nights before that the decision I made was for the best. I keep my effort and pace steady and even as I start working it out in my brain the many lies I was told, all the smug and passive aggressive posts I endured and the constant perception and awareness that almost everything I was doing was being simulated by someone else as if to constantly compete with me.
As I turn around to finish the last mile of my warm-up I start thinking about a different post I wrote a couple of days ago… it was raw, honest and therapeutic. I finally decide it isn’t something that feels relevant or beneficial to my audience, and I feel thankful for keeping those thoughts and feelings to myself. With this thought I remember how each and every time I was fed another lie or saw something that angered me that I resisted the temptation to react. I’m bigger than that. I’m better than that. I’m authentic so I refuse to stoop to that level and ignore it. This makes me think about one of my favorite quotes…
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” ~Wayne Dyer
Admittedly feeling sluggish on my warm-up I arrive home, wondering if it was the mentally clearing part of my run that started bogging me down. None the less it doesn’t stop me. I change into my race gear, get in my car and drive myself down to one of my favorite 5ks of the season. When I arrive I see a bunch of my friends; we chat, we laugh, we take photo’s and then we make our way to the start. I love the starting line because I know everything between there and the end of the race helps me cross over the finish line stronger then when I started.
I didn’t intend on racing the 5k hard because I had three more miles to run after, but I wanted to race them mentally and physically strong with negative splits. As I made my way to the finish line my husband and daughter are there cheering me on, bringing the biggest smile to my face. Nothing got in the way of how I wanted to run this race and my mission was accomplished. I let the lyrics to the song playing through my earbuds as I crossed the finish line pull me to serenity. Somehow they felt so perfectly fitting…
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody’s looking for something.
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Keep your head up, movin’ on
Hold your head up, movin’ on
Keep your head up, movin’ on…”
As I reunite with my family and friends we spend time hanging out, having fun at the event and enjoying the day. Aaaah! Life is soooooo good!
We arrive home and it’s lunchtime, but I have three more miles to get in, so I ask my husband if he’ll kindly make me a sandwich so it’s ready when I get back. I use the bathroom and I head back out. My daughter, confused, says, “Mommy’s going for another run?!” Yes, mommy is going for another run. With my first triathlon and another marathon on my schedule later this year I intend on showing not only myself, but her exactly what hard work and perseverance looks like.
I set my physical intentions for this run to be easy to moderate, and mentally for it to be the final closure I need to feel completely content with the decision I made. As I head back out I start thinking about the amazing race I just had, how strong I felt, the friends and family I spent time with and the new opportunities that I have starting next week. I feel the excitement in my body increase knowing that throughout my entire life I have worked hard for my accomplishments, I have always stayed true and authentic to myself and I always support others. I realize that someone else’s words and actions trying to challenge this are not a reflection of me, but of their own insecurities within themselves. I find comfort knowing just how many people saw through to it, and kept encouraging and supporting me to cut all ties and free myself from the negativity that wasn’t serving me well. It felt so damn good to be running it out, leaving all the bullshit out on the pavement making a pact with myself to not allow it back in my life.
Arriving back home from my last and final run of the day I feel incredibly liberated inside and out. My body and mind feel strong and I’m officially ready to let go of the stress, anger and negativity. I have all the proof in the world that I need to know I made the right decision, and the best decision for myself, and that’s all that matters. I sit down to eat the delicious lunch my husband made me and start chatting with my daughter…
“How was your run mommy? Are you all done now?”
“Yes, I’m all done running for the day now.”
As we continue talking I think about that quote again and the advice I’d give her if she encountered the same negativity. As her big bright eyes glimmer and gleam back at me I’m beyond confident that I’d tell her to never lose her pride, always be herself and walk away from anything that wasn’t serving her well. As her mother it’s important to me to show her how to create and maintain healthy relationships, how to not allow others to take advantage of her and how to walk away from anything or anyone that was bringing her down.
We wrap up lunch and play outside, we have company over and enjoy a delicious BBQ for dinner. As night falls I put my baby girl to bed and cuddle with her until she falls asleep. I brush my fingers through her freshly washed hair and kiss her little cheeks. As I lay there I feel at ease knowing I’m raising her to be a strong, confident and independent woman who respects others, supports others and most importantly who is genuine and kind.
The sun has set now and the house is quiet again. I crawl into bed with my husband and can’t help but smile and feel giddy after an amazing day and weekend with family and friends. I feel completely at ease knowing all the people in my circle now are the ones who truly deserve to be there. I welcome the tiredness of my eyes and body knowing that running it out was exactly what I needed to reignite the positive spark in my soul. As I drift off to sleep my heart is happy knowing tomorrow I’ll be stepping into a new week of exciting opportunities and that nothing is going to stand in my way.