I’ve already learned even very early on in my pregnancy, that my body is, in the words of my sister-in-aw, “no longer mine.” While I’m not yet sporting a bump, there are definite changes I can see and feel both physically and emotionally. But physical changes and symptoms are to be expected, let’s face it, I’m pregnant!
I can read, I can Google and I can research until I’m blue in the face about what I could possibly experience in the weeks and months to come, but writing and dwelling about the physical symptoms almost seems irrelevant. Maybe you’re asking, why? Well for one reason, I need to take one day at a time and try not to worry about what might happen to me and focus on the present day. And for another reason, because every pregnancy is different. What I physically experience could be the polar opposite as someone else. For example, the earliest symptom that tipped me off that I might be pregnant was “frequent urination.” I was literally running to the ladies room to relieve my full bladder every 15 to 20 minutes when I had barely had a sip of water. When I asked my sister-in-law if she experienced this she told me not until much later in her pregnancy and didn’t think it was a symptom of early pregnancy at all. Well, clearly it turns out that it is an early symptom, and that I am in fact pregnant. Every women says that despite all the pregnancy pains and gains, they’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. While I may burst out with an attempted humorous blog here and there along my way about some of the physical stuff, I think focusing on writing about the emotional changes and feelings are far more important and what I’ll want to remember. It’s the joy, the laughter, the excitement and even tears and fears that I’ll want to reflect back upon in the years to come. Besides, I certainly don’t want to bore my readers with weekly blogs on whether or not I have stretch marks, constipation or swelling. I mean honestly, do you really care about that stuff? And quite frankly I don’t want to bore myself with focusing on that every week either! Because in the end, no matter what my physical symptoms and experiences are, I will have the most amazing prize in the end, a baby!
So, how do I feel emotionally in these first early weeks? For starters, I’m still trying to get used to the incredible fact that I’m with child. To be honest, it’s a mix of so many emotions. One minute I find myself so beyond excited that I beaming from ear to ear and have tears of joy in my eyes and the next minute I could be having a slight panic attack realizing that one way or another this baby has to make its way out of me in nine months. Yikes! Talk about being freaked out and scared as hell! I know women do this every day and even go back for more, but being the hypochondriac that I am, I worry about all the scary “what ifs” and I wish I could gain some peace of mind that everything will all be OK with me and my growing tadpole. I need to have trust and faith in God and in the world that things will work out exactly the way they’re supposed to and that everything will A-OK.
Going back to what my sister in law told me, “Your body is no longer yours”, I’ve realized that it’s only in a physical sense. Yes, my body is now at the mercy of my baby. But everything I feel mentally and emotionally about what’s happening to me and my future child is all of mine. It’s honest, it’s pure, it’s raw and it’s mine. No one can take away or deny me of the feelings I have, not even my future child. So while my body may no longer be mine for a while, my emotions are all of mine and I intend on embracing them from now and well on into the birth of my baby. No matter whether or not what I feel from day to day and week to week is pure joy or sheer terror, in the end, I have my eye on the prize!
~Susieqsinger