It’s been six glorious days since I found out that I’m creating a little life inside of me. I’ve gone from pure joyful bliss and excitement to shear terror. It’s no secret that I’m a complete and utter hypochondriac. As much as I have always known I wanted children, I have also feared pregnancy and childbirth. It downright frightens me!
I knew that it didn’t matter how long my husband and I waited to try to get pregnant. It could be now or 10 years from now, those fears were never going to go away. I had to just bite the bullet and face them head first, and quite honestly, I didn’t expect it to only take two months. I thought it would take so much longer. So, here I am in the very early stages of my first trimester dealing with fatigue, constant hunger, occasional nausea (which I expect to get worse) and frequent trips to the ladies room as my bladder seems to be on overdrive right now. Other than that, I certainly don’t feel pregnant in a physical sense. I don’t think I will until I start showing. But that goes to my next topic, even though I’m not physical sporting a baby bump yet, do I LOOK pregnant?
In the last two weeks, before I even officially found out that I was pregnant, a lot of family and friends make comments about babies and have asked me the impending question, “So when are YOU going to have one?!” I only told a select few friends and family that we had just started trying, I just simply don’t think it’s anyone’s business. Besides, asking if we’re “trying” is just a silly question. Are you asking if we have sex? I mean give me a break?! I wanted to answer, “What do you mean trying? We have sex on a regular basis. If it happens it happens!” How’s THAT for an answer?! This past Saturday I was at a baby shower for one of my cousins and at this point I was well aware that I secretly showed up as a party of two. My mother’s aunt (my great aunt) asked me the infamous question, “When are YOU going to have one?!” I answered, “I don’t know.” Maybe it was my terrible poker face that I couldn’t see or perhaps it was simply that I was actually wearing a “mommy to be glow”, but she literally said to me, “You ARE already pregnant! I can tell by the glimmer in your eye and the smile on your face.” After her insisting a good five times that I was pregnant I finally politely asked her to please not go around spreading the word. My grandparents and in-laws didn’t even know yet! I was trying to wait to announce it to everyone at least until I have my first doctors appointment (July 1st). Then of course I had two other family members make comments to me that really made me ask myself again, “Do I LOOK pregnant?!” I finally pulled my mother aside and asked her. I said I purposely wore a form-fitting outfit because I want to enjoy my relatively thin figure for the last few weeks that I’m not baby bumping.
My mother of course assured me that I didn’t look pregnant at all. One of my cousins who is a labor and deliver nurse told me that some people just have a hunch about these things, particularly the “older generation.” I’ve come to the conclusion that while I’m certain I don’t physically look pregnant yet, I think I am sporting a happier glow and an extra skip in my step. Although I still have a lot of unanswered questions and pending fears rattling around in my ever so active brain, I couldn’t be more excited that every second I am creating a little piece of me and my husband.
So for now, I guess I’ll be sporting my secret pregnant look until the bump comes in! 🙂
Here’s me, four weeks preggers and just about to leave the house for my cousins baby shower where I started to ask myself, “Do I LOOK pregnant?!”