In my 30-something years, I’ve been to more wakes and funerals for young people than I have elderly. “They say” everything happens for a reason, and there are times and instances when I believe this to be true. But whenever I hear or witness a parent burying their child, I simply want to smack that saying in its cliche face. Who are “they” anyway? And what do “they” know?
I’ve lost young family members and friends; people who meant a lot to me, and left an imprint of their short lives on mine. “They” also say that time heals all wounds, but I don’t totally believe that. We learn to cope and move on as time moves on, but the wounds of death and losing a loved one never truly heal. They’re always open and somewhat raw. For every loss there’s a small hole left in my heart that never fully closes or mends. I’m left with the emptiness and memory of someone that was once here. Someone who enriched my life with laughter and had some sort of impact on me.
Last week my husband lost an old friend to brain cancer. Seriously, what 30-something year old dies from brain cancer? I’d like to ask “they” what the reason is for this?? Why a mother, a father, a fiance, a brother, a sister, nieces, nephews and a boatload of friends just had to say their final farewell to this young man who still had so much living and loving to do? I don’t get it. I will never in this lifetime understand why God takes a young life, or what the “reason” is. It’s something I simply cannot wrap my brain or heart around. “They” also say only the good die young. And I can honestly say every young person I know that has passed away were indeed damn good ones – people this world lost far too soon.
I only had the pleasure of meeting my husbands friend a couple of times, but he was a great guy and someone my husband had been friends with for many years. Over the weekend he spoke fondly about memories the two of them shared together – a trip to France as exchange students, fun parties and simply being young high school punks together. I saw some pretty hilarious pictures of the two that put a smile on my face, and made my husband laugh.
On the drive over to the wake, I literally had tears streaming down my face thinking about the death of him and the many young people I’ve lost in my life. Sadly, sometimes death is a reality check for those of us still very much alive. It made me disappointed in myself for ever getting mad at the people I love so much. Life is too damn short and far too precious to waste time being upset, angry, hateful, mad, holding grudges or having regrets. That old saying, “Don’t go to bed angry” holds wisdom, as we never know what the days and years ahead will bring. Be grateful, don’t take the people you love for granted and don’t waste time having hate or anger in your heart. Enjoy life for all it has to offer – successes, happy times and hardships.
I like to believe in heaven. A beautiful afterlife where we’re all together again – happy and laughing, and living with no pain or heartache. But until then, bidding the final farewell to someone I love, especially a young person, is heart wrenching. I will simply never understand or grasp why we have to goodbye at all, but I take comfort in knowing that these people will always be part of me.
“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.” – Helen Keller
-Slparke
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