Alright ladies (and gents, if you’re reading!), sit back, buckle up and get breasty – I mean ready! Because I’m writing another blog solely dedicated to my breasts. Back in September I wrote a blog, Melons, Mountains or Bust, devoted to my pregnant breasts, so it seems only fair to dedicate one to my breastfeeding breasts. I’m leaving nothing out here folks so be prepared – the battles, the bonds and hell, even the breast – I mean best!
I’d like to start with my battles of breastfeeding. During my first trimester of pregnancy, my ta-ta’s increased from a size D to an E. I distinctly remember telling my OB that at the rate I was going, I’d have a bra for every letter of alphabet by the time I gave birth. I seriously thought they couldn’t get much bigger. Then my daughter was born, and those size E’s that I thought looked like big ole grandma bra’s quickly became too small. And I mean WAY too small. I pretty much felt like I was being choked by my vein covered breasts every time I was horizontal. Let me clarify that it’s not awesome. Not only was I engorged, but I was so sore that if a gentle breeze hit them the wrong way I was in tears. Most people told me this would last a couple weeks; however, for me, it lasted a good six weeks. I keep waiting, hoping, wishing and dreaming for my “small” size D’s to return. My daughter will be five months in a couple weeks and I’m still waiting. WTH?! WHERE are my size D’s?! Please D’s, come baaaaack! I miss you like woah! I still have mornings when I wake up with rock hard boobs that are fuller than full of my daughters first meal of the day and a soaking wet tank top. Oh yes, the leaking at almost five months postpartum still remains to be a daily dilemma. I especially love when I step out of the shower, dry off and then start leaking breast milk all over my freshly washed body, floor and towel. Ya know, because why not re-shower with some breast milk? I mean really, who doesn’t love smelling like a dairy farm all day? I continue to be puzzled as to why women everywhere desire, and even pay for bigger boobies. Please, take some of mine, and while you’re at it have a glass of milk because I have enough to feed an army. Seriously, I’ve been told I could be a “wet nurse” because I am producing so much milk. I’ve yet to find a bathing suit top that actually fits these puppies. We can cover the nip, but that’s just about it folks. Everything past the nipples is bare and bulging out of every damn bikini top I’ve tried on. Shirts, bra’s, bathing suit tops – I’m pretty much busting out of everything. If only I were friends with Dolly Parton to ask her where I can get a custom fit glitzy titsy top. But, alas, no such luck.
So maybe I should get to the actual breastfeeding part. Because, that IS after-all why my breasts are so damn humungo right now. I recently had a conversation with a friend who is expecting her first bundle of joy any day. She told me she isn’t excited about breastfeeding, but she is going to give it a shot and see how it goes. I was relieved to hear her say this. I wasn’t all that pumped up about it either. My boobies have always been sensitive and the mere thought of it made me cringe. But, I felt strongly that breast was best for my girl, so at almost five months postpartum I’m still at it. The first several weeks sucked. Excuse my language but there is just no way to sugar coat it. It hurt like hell and every time my daughter latched on I wanted to die. My toes curled, my entire body tensed up and I was silently swearing – no joke. After about one month this finally started getting easier. Aaaaahhhhh, my nipples were toughening up. Thank GOD! But, the battle continues. Why? Allow me to explain. Many times while I’m nursing, my sweet little cherub kicks, flails and moves all over the place. In fact, I’m quite positive she has completely mastered performing acrobatic stunts while securely attached to my nipples. You may be wondering how it feels to have your nipples jerked in every which way direction while in the mouth of a very hungry baby. Wonder no more friends because I’m here to tell you it sucks! I especially love that the last few days, my daughter has been grabbing the upper part of breasts while flailing on my nipple. Her innocent little hands are decorating my breasts with claw marks. My boobs have never looked or felt sexier. My nipples, my breasts and entire body at this point feels like it has gone through war and barely survived the battle. I long for saggy, flat pancakes breasts that I can keep to myself without worrying about when the next time they’re going to get attacked. But, with a goal of breastfeeding for a year, I still have many more months of breastfeeding battles. What a mother does for the love of her child! 🙂
OK, now that I got all that off my breast – I mean chest, it’s time to discuss what I DO like about breastfeeding, which is the amazing bond I’ve created with my baby girl. Hence a huge reason why I’m still at these breastfeeding battles almost 20 weeks later. Every time I’m nursing my baby girl and she looks up at me with her big beautiful eyes, it melts my heart. As weird as it may sound, it’s her safe place. It’s what calms her, puts her to sleep at night and keeps her growing healthy and strong. By four months she had more than doubled her weight, and her pediatrician has told me several times that I have “amazing breast milk.” It’s truly what keeps me going. She’s my baby, my daughter and my best friend.
Honestly, I joke, I complain, I even bitch from time to time (there goes my potty mouth again), but I couldn’t be anymore grateful for where I am today. Motherhood is by far the most amazing gift life has to offer. My daughter inspires me every day to keep up with breastfeeding and to be a better person and mother. Every time I get frustrated that she’s yanking on my breasts and I want to quit, I tell my inner voice to shut up and be thankful. Be thankful for the abundance of breast milk and the ability to feed her. Be thankful for the entire experience – ALL of it – for pregnancy, for motherhood, and for the battles and the bonds of a breastfeeding mom. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, or even a smaller bra!
As always, thanks for reading blog lovahs! Ta-ta until breast time – I meant next time!
~Slparke