This past weekend my husband took me away for one last weekend getaway before our baby girl arrives. We already did what we considered a “babymoon” back in November, but he kept mentioning that he wanted to go away one last time. So Friday morning I got a phone call saying to pack my bags because we were going to one of my favorite B&B’s in Vermont for the weekend. I could barely contain my excitement and went straight home to pack and get ready. One of the many things that I love about my husband is that even after five years of being together, he’s constantly still sweeping me off my feet. He brings me home flowers or a card or a random little gift that he said made him think of me, he takes me away for romantic weekend getaways, he takes me to shows and concerts…the list goes on. He always seems to be doing something nice for me and surprising me. But on the same note, I do the same for him. Last week I was out running errands and saw a card that I loved, so I bought it for him. Since being pregnant and not working, I do most of the cooking now and once a week I try to plan a dinner with candles, music and no phones so we can just talk about our day or whatever is on our mind. It got me thinking that even though we’re married and not going out every night hitting up the most popular bars and clubs anymore, we’re still very much dating. And dating is the sugar and spice in marriage.
Rewind five years ago when my husband and I had just met. We were both in our twenties going out every night. And when I say every night, I mean every night. Even on week nights we were hitting up the town going out to fancy dinners, rock concerts, going dancing at clubs and bars, and enjoying weekend getaways. Simply stated, we were dating and took full advantage of the freedom to be able to go out, live it up, have fun and get to know each other. Fast forward to the present day. We’ve been together for five years, married for almost a year and a half, we’re now in our thirties (yikes!) and we are weeks (maybe even days) away from welcoming our first baby together. We don’t go out dancing and clubbing like we used to, but we still go out often, we still travel and go on weekend getaways and nice vacations, we still go to concerts and in a nutshell, we’re still dating.
One thing my husband and I promised each other was that we would not get too caught up and lost in our busy lives and stop dating. We don’t want lose sight of our relationship, knowing each other, having fun and keeping things fresh and romantic. We discussed several times during my pregnancy that we need to continue dating even after the baby is born. We made a pact that once we get settled into this whole parenting thing that once a month we’ll do one night out together, just the two of us without the baby. “They say” your spouse should come first before kids and that your relationship with your spouse is the most important. Personally I like to think that my family as a whole is most important, not husband over kids or vice versa. But I strongly believe that in order to maintain a healthy and happy family, you need to have a healthy and happy marriage. Your marriage is the core and base of your family. Without a strong foundation, everything else will crumble and fall.
I’ve heard so many stories that after a couples kids go off to college they end up divorced because they wake up one morning and realize they don’t know the person they’re married to anymore. For the last 18+ years it’s been all about the kids, and their marriage, love and relationship got lost in the shuffle. My husband and I don’t want to be that couple. We want to wake up 50 years from now still madly in love, sweeping each other off our feet and still dating. A marriage isn’t something that creates love; love creates a marriage. It’s the glue that holds it all together and it always needs to be “worked on” and nourished. If you stop watering a plant, it will wilt and die. The same goes for marriage – if you stop feeding your marriage the love and care it needs, it too will wilt and die. I strongly believe that continuing to date your spouse feeds life and love into a marriage. People change and evolve over time and so does a marriage. It’s important to continue to know and understanding yourself, your spouse and what you both need and want as a couple and as individuals. Dating each other allows you to continue to know each other and love each other.
The art of dating and marriage is a give and take. To continue to know each other, make time for each other, love each other and not getting lost in the hustle and bustle of life and family. My best advice, for myself and anyone else, don’t stop dating your spouse. It’s truly the sugar and spice of your marriage.
~Sparke