The number of conversations I’ve had with my mommy friends over the past six months where the blunt statement, “Men don’t get it”, was uttered is countless. Never in a million years did I understand the capacity of being a mother until I actually became one.
I will never forget my mother reading the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I’m not going to sugar coat it, I thought she was nuts for reading it, believing it and preaching it. I thought it was a total crock of shit even though I was far too young to read it myself, or comprehend the depth of any relationship between a man and woman. Now that I’m a grown woman with a husband and a kid, I want to read it. You see now, I literally believe that men and women are from two entirely different worlds. I’m going to share with you all the typical married argument I had with my husband last night. Because like every other couple on the face of the planet with kids, now we fight over who does more and who is more exhausted.
So really the night started off just fine. My husband came home, walked into the bathroom where I was giving our daughter a bath, gave us both kisses, took over bathtime, and put her jammies on. I finally had a moment I could breath without our almost 6 month old velcroed to me. Between dirty diapers, a play date, doing laundry, reading books, playing and rolling around on the floor, doing dishes, drying tears, counting, exploring new toys, showing the colors of the rainbow, breast feeding, attempting naps, getting spit up on, getting poked, pulled and pinched and simply surviving the day, all on top of a sleepless screamfest night, I was eeeggzzaausted. By the end of every day, I pretty much feel like I’ve beaten up. I love spending my days with my daughter, but it’s more work than any day job I’ve ever encountered – mentally, emotionally and physically. I find myself looking forward to naps and bedtime. But my job doesn’t stop or end during those down times – it just means getting stuff done around the house.
Now, I don’t even know how or why an argument began, all I remember is that my husband was fixing dinner telling me that he worked all day listing off the things he did, as if he did so much more. The age old fight that every couple seems to encounter throughout their relationship as parents. I must have been sitting here with my feet up, a cocktail in my hand, soaking up laziness my day had to offer. Right? You did waaaaay more than us because you showered, left the house and had adult conversations, right? Wrong!
Hard working daddy’s out there, am I ignorant to the fact that you got up early, drove to work, met with customers and did your job that provides a paycheck? No.
Am I discounting any of your hard work at your job, in the yard or in general? Not for a single millisecond.
Do I think you’re well rested and stress free? Also negative.
However, do I think your day and week was nearly as challenging or draining as mine? Absolutely not. Sorry guys, but I don’t care what you do all day – whether it’s sitting at a desk, meeting with clients, writing up proposals, debating in a court room, taking patients, making phone calls – you’re job from the time you leave the house until you come home is not nearly as difficult, demanding, exhausting, draining or important (yes, I said IMPORTANT) as taking care of another life. My entire day is spent making sure my daughter is cared for. Her entire survival all day, every day depends on me. And the older she gets the more demanding she becomes, and the less time I have to get stuff done around the house because she is an around the clock responsibility.
My husband asked me one day recently, “Can’t you just leave her in the living room to get stuff done?” OMG you guys?! And this is where all us mommies blurt out the cliche, men don’t get it! I challenge each and every single man to leave your job for one week and switch roles with your stay at home or working wife. I bet any amount of money that by the end of the week, you’re begging your wife to come home and kissing her feet when you see just how demanding it is to be a mother. I literally feel like I need to clone myself at least ten times to get shit done in a timely fashion.
Unless you’re a stay at home dad or a single dad, you simple don’t get it. And until you have the job of taking care of your kid(s) all day, every day you won’t get it. You’ll never understand or “get” the capacity of a mother. The role and demands of a mother and a father are far different, and in my opinion, cannot be compared. And the mindset and point of views between men and women are literally from two different worlds. Men don’t get it, and they are in fact from a completely different world! I love my husband dearly, but he doesn’t “get it”, and I’m officially convinced the man is not from planet earth! 😉
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