Eleven days. That’s how many days I have left until my due date. I keep looking back on the past 38+ weeks wondering where the time has gone. Last week at my weekly prenatal appointment my doctor told me I was two centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. I had made definite progress as two weeks prior to that I was 1 centimeter dilated and 0% effaced. He told me, “You’re good to go!” Which of course means I could go now, but I could also still go on time or late. Either way, it’s hard to believe that I’m officially playing the waiting game now. As prepared as I am, or thought I was, I also feel completely confused and unprepared for what’s to come…
I’m officially feeling very pregnant the last few days. Meaning, I’m exhausted, my back and hips started really bothering me these last few days and I just feel like all I want to do is sleep and rest all day. I also have this fear that I’ll have no idea when it’s “go time.” While most women say, “don’t worry, you’ll know!”, there are a few women I’ve talked to who said their contractions never got that bad. I’ve literally been experiencing cramps for the last four weeks, so when I hear the unlikely story from a friend who didn’t really have a lot of pain and discomfort during active labor I think to myself, “how will I know if that happens to me!” Last night a cousin of mine told me her friend gave birth earlier on her bathroom floor because she had NO idea she was in labor. I immediately thought, “Please dear God, give me a clear cut sign so that’s not me!” Clearly the cramps I’ve been experiencing are doing their job because I’m dilated and effaced, but what if they just stay the same? In the back of my mind I keep hoping that I’ll be one of the “lucky ones” who experiences a river of amniotic acid streaming down my leg so I’m not confused when it’s time to call my doctor and head to the hospital.
The truth is, I’ve spent weeks and months preparing, but in the end, I feel completely unprepared! I tend to be a planner, so the hard part is not knowing when she is coming! I can talk to ten different women about their pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery and I’ll get ten different stories and scenarios. I’ve learned that when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and even motherhood, nothing is textbook. So with eleven days left I feel completely prepared to be unprepared. Does that even make sense? Sure, we’ve set up the nursery, installed the car seats and are ready to take our baby girl home, but I’m prepared to go into all of this not really knowing what to expect because every case is different. Someone told me today that when it comes to labor and delivery, I’ll “write my own story.” I like that, writing my own story.
Eleven days. I’m preparing myself to be more open minded, to be and stay calm, to be positive that everything will be OK and to write a story that only my husband and I could experience and live to tell. Eleven days and I’m preparing myself to be unprepared for the rest of my life…
~Sparke